Overcoming “The Gap”: Feelings of Lonliness and Isolation

                                                                                       

                                                                        Overcoming The Gap

Have you ever faced challenging times, whether it’s a cancer diagnosis, mental health struggles like anxiety and depression, or emotional setbacks? Initially, you may have received support, but it gradually fades away, leaving you feeling isolated and alone, burdened by emotions like hopelessness and sadness.

I can relate to this feeling all too well. After being diagnosed with Invasive Lobular Breast Cancer in April 2023, I experienced the same phenomenon, which I call “The Gap.”

According to the Oxford Language dictionary, a gap is defined as an “unfilled space or interval; a break in continuity.” This break in continuity was difficult for me to accept and understand.

At first, I kept my feelings inside, expecting others to intuitively know that I needed their support. I wondered why they weren’t reaching out. However, through my journey with breast cancer, I learned that people don’t always understand what we’re going through unless we communicate our needs. I was outwardly portraying that I was “okay,” even though I was struggling internally.

Blaming others for not checking in was counterproductive. It led me to counseling, where I realized that it’s okay not to be okay and that I needed to express my needs to family and friends, no matter how challenging it felt.

Once I began communicating my needs, I discovered that I was still loved and not alone. People often hesitate to reach out because they’re unsure of what to do or say. They’re waiting for your cue. Once I reached out and expressed my needs, I heard responses like:

– “I didn’t want to disturb you.”
– “I was waiting for you to call me.”
– “I’m so happy you called; I just wasn’t sure what to do.”

By allowing myself to be vulnerable and communicate, “The Gap” started to disappear.

If you find yourself in “The Gap,” I recommend the following:

1) Be transparent about your needs.
2) Remember it’s okay not to be okay and let others know.
3) Journal your unscripted feelings.
4) Consider counseling to discuss your feelings and strategies to overcome them.
5) Join groups that share your interests.
6) Start a group that reflects your interests.
7) Volunteer- you’ll be surprised how much it lifts your spirit.

People want to be there for you, but you also need to speak up. Don’t let yourself remain in “The Gap.” By expressing your needs, your family, friends, and support systems will show up in unexpected ways.

For those unsure of how to help someone who may not always express their needs, remember that vulnerability is challenging. Deep down, your support is needed. You can bridge the gap by:

1) Offering to pray with them.
2) Providing specific assistance like setting up meals or sending gift cards.
3) Offering transportation to appointments or helping with daily tasks.
4) Being honest and compassionate, providing a listening ear without judgment.
5) Delivering care packages tailored to their needs.
6) Offering words of encouragement and positive affirmations.
7) Sending cards with uplifting scriptures.
8) Regularly checking in, even with a simple message to let them know you’re thinking about them.

You have the power to make a significant difference in someone’s life and help them escape “The Gap.”